Will I ? Will I Not?

Was it just yesterday, or always? Do you still love me, or just want me? Or it is just to satisfy your needs?
Why does these unanswered question keeps popping out from my mind? I should be focusing on my exam but then, YOU ,
each time I see you , I feel weak, lost, and just want you only.
Yet I do know that it is just temporary that I can feel you till you found someone else... soon..

Time To Move On?

You said it, you don't love me anymore, so there is no reason for me to soften my heart for you anymore. Let the memories be the past, even though it is hard to let it go.

GaGa Dream == ?

I still need you,
I still miss you,
Your smell,
Your looks,
Your voice,
Like what I dreamed today, funny Lady GaGa was singing Bad Romance in front of me,
You know that I want you, You know that I need you....
Rah Ra Ah Ah~

Haiz just a dream can freak me out, yet it just reminded me how much I do love you.
I'm now chatting with you while you didn't notice that I'm crying along. Each time I see you, face you, every single word came out from my mouth or typed to you feels like a stab in my heart. Wondering why? Why do all this thing have to comes to an end while we can be stable to be together.

How long more do I need to suffer? Yet, each time I glance back the memories of us, I felt happy and secured yet suffer when I face reality.

9 - Wands, The Golden Scarab

YES I DO PLAY TAROT, and please do not bug me to read it for you as I'm still a noob in reading tarot. Every morning I will sayang my cards then take one piece out and READ~ it was always a guideline for me to start off my day ... maybe carefully. =D

It was so happen that was the day I call it off the relationship again, seriously..... maybe?
The Golden Scarab appear to be the guideline for the day. This card carry the meaning of suspension or intuition of danger. I was thinking of our relation of course, and yet soon in that evening i call our relation off..... you're bored, same goes to me.

Today I woke up late and went for my Materials Science class late.......for the 9th time or more?
I never keep track of it anyways, and with 4 reports haven started, 2 incomplete reports (which went circulating around the class) and 2 complete reports that need to be submitted by tomorrow.... yet I am here blogging, chatting and even Facebooking.

Time for reports..... ( 2 more ^^v) Nitez

29 / 12 / 2009

Failure is one of the most common thing happen to me always. Yet each time we get back and break, we don't seem to realize the mistake we did. But as for today, I call it off, I guess forever? or soon. You keep saying that you needed me, yet get bored of the relationship, though it's my fault, yet you keep blaming me for everything even though you FUCKING DID IT YOURSELF.

I losses myself, my friends, my time for you. Yet what did I get in return? A break up? I actually thinks that we will be better in future but you said, memories hunting you... and yet keep using it to dump me aside , and when you are so damn down , you came back to me, and soon dump me again, making me look stupid in front of my friends.

I just wants to ask you this;

Am I a just a TOY that was bought from SOMEWHERE CHEAP that became BORED to you?

You are so selfish and only cared about yourself neglecting what does other feels. Everything must do it YOUR way, what you did is ALWAYS RIGHT, and IF NOT you will be mad even for a small matter. You don't even let anything goes into your mind when you lost your stupid TEMPER, and this keep on making me thinks that you just have not reach the maturity level yet, still a small kid who will get upset when lost a toy.

You got back with me YESTERDAY and today I call it off, as you said... you got bored. You don't even need me when you got someone else there. So what for I accepted you and have to suffer later on. Some more I do not even have friends to trust and share all my problems to, as I keep all in me. Yet all this problem now can be shared trough my blog since I made it into private , not much people will notice my blog anyway~

27 / 12 / 2009

I miss you,
I need you,
I love you?

It is true that we both need each other?
I felt it is strange when we are now apart
You don't trust me anymore
What the meaning of LOVE
Where there is no trust left.

I thought before Christmas eve, we can get back together
Celebrating Christmas together
But all these is just a fantasy which did not happen
You were bored in the relationship
Memories hunting you
Why do you still wants me back
When you can't let all this go?

It is you wants me to be with you?
And ignore all my friends for you?
We are not together as you told your friends
When you chat with your new friend
So why bother to care me?
Let me have my life back
So I can really be myself back
A freethinker.

You said you don't want to contact me
Cause I don't want to follow your order
To me,
Although it is hurting,
I felt that ARE you really mature?
In Love?
If even you need me,
I will try not to let me need you anymore
I'm really scared of repeating history again.

I

L
O
V
E

Y
O
U

P
I
N
G
U

Stupid me

Ever since I got back with you again,
I felt myself has changed in the way of thinking.
Why I keep on thinking that there is something is blocking us.
Yet you keep on going out with your friends,
And ignored me.
At the end,
It make me jealous
And we argue ....
My role just like a girl... izzit?
But when I think back,
DO WE REALLY SPENT TIME TOGETHER WELL?
I don't really think so.
I always wanted to walk around a park,
Me and you,
During the night.
Peace
But I didn't get such walk for so long.
I want to watch movie with you,
But in the end you watched with someone else,
And I don't want to waste your money to accompany me,
As I used to be a loner in the cinema when I'm sad.

Now I felt something different with me,
It's like my emotions,
I can't control it anymore,
Can't fake out emotion well to cover up,
Can't think of my future anymore,
It's like I gave up my life.
Honestly, I enjoy your accompany,
But at the same time,
I am suffering.

07 Oct 2009

This moment, I will just try to be myself.
To hold on, continue hide my emotions,
where I will be no more be with you anymore,
all this while, i been so excited about you being around me,
and also worry,
of what?....
Hurting you again,
I should have not appear back into your life,
I should have not contact you that moment,
If i can , i would like to travel back in time,
stopping myself from sending a simple message,
that ruins both of our life,
even i still cant forget you that moment,
i believe that when i see your happy face,
i will too be happy together even though we aren't together
why? from yesterday i didnt cry...
and now i cant even stop crying?
why i cant always share the exact feeling that i facing to you and other?
im such a failure .... the biggest fool on earth..
i love you...
i miss you...
i need you...
but i know, there is other whom are better then me and can make you much more better then you being with me....
im so blur now...
help me

My Today

It's a boring day for me
Yet a moody day
I feel like crying now
I don't even know what to do next
I failed to express my feelings