Kin ! Kin ! wake up

What does it feels like betraying someone love towards you?
What does it feels like being attach with some else whom the person you loved is with someone?
What does it feels like to be in love to someone who love you but we are not attach?
And
The feels that your lover told his/hers buddy, you're his/her ex-lover where you two are attached together?

The feeling that the relationship is at risk, getting back, and breaks off again.... tired, disappointed.
And even though broke, we still keep in touch .... as close as what we use to do when we are together. I am getting nut day by day, all this memories, hurting me day by day, I can't just seems to let go of you anymore but I have to face the fact that there will be no more YOU in my life... maybe forever if you found someone who is way better than me... sure you will find, I'm disgusting, useless, selfish, and even crazy... sure you will feel uncomfortable when I'm around. Funny

What am I doing acually?

When I first enter this circle, there are a lot of thing that I didn't know at all.....and slowly till now, the past may be effecting my lifestyle now. I always feels that I'm a loner .....among a society, I don't know am I doing the right things?...I guess not.... I keeps on separating myself away....

After UPSR , I pick up smoking ...thanks to my brother who left his cigarettes lighted outside...when sending him to Nilai Collage Hostel... and eventually I smoke till ....let say awhile ? and I stopped .. cause I been coughing out black stuff but i started back... around last year...and guess what it helps me in reducing nose bleeds... and I don't know how it does...and until now I'm am just waiting for a side effect... lolz

When I was ....15... where internet was so amazing... everything can be found online...but not as fast and rich information as now ...everyday gaming ,.....RYL O2Jam.....blah blah blah...and websites... from that very moment, I meet someone new......well bring me out and played me....and then I realize it was not a good habit ...therefore I just ignore that animal.....

after that i met vampi... well vampi was good in entertaining ... yet things changes... or maybe i just fell in a puppy love stage ... actually i can still remember the moments we spend together... and i really treasure it very well... one of my best memories in life actually...beside it was also my first time traveling so far by using public transport .... but sadly.... it ended..

well no need to say who is after vampi.... that person after vampi was just playing me again... and did things behind my back ....always... and did with my pet brother ... well although is disappointing.... life have to move on right?

i going skip some .. cause i cant really tell all in here ...=D
maybe come overnight my house...i may tell you as bed time story,,,

then come...panda......................well basic things i call panda is that... you know panda got 2 big eye bags =D so cute~...keke well panda said.... maybe at my birthday will end ...i actually stun and did not know what to do...as there is a person that panda still wants and needed....which is the ex......whom i seeing in class quite often

= ="

Yet now , it is you, i cant really describe how special you are in here, words cant just say how great you are in my eyes, yet i will soon lose you.....forever....

18 / 1 / 2010

Though you may be happy as you get a new husky, your smile still remain in my soul. When you smile I keep thinking that I'm just a ussless yet can't help you smile more. I know that some part of you needs me but your memories just keep hunting ..and keeps on hunting till you choose to let go of me part by part.

I just think, maybe when you get another, it may helps to let go me fully, but I don't seems to understand. Why does a perfect relation have to end just by a few words. I'm 19 this year yet I felt so useless.. in studies.. in life...and in you. I never blame myself as I'm the one who cause all this to happen. My past have been always hunts me to dare me to do so but when I just betray your trust in me, I felt wrong.... very wrong....is like the pain in me that will never be forgiven at all.

I'm now blogging in your room, looking at you sleeping soundly....so cute, beautiful.. but did you know that I cried at this very moment? I held you warm hand .. look at your silly sleeping face.. and just cry just right beside you. I never intend to tell you so as i just don't want you to suffer more because of me.

I know you will be very unhappy if you will to see me cry beside you. I shouldn't have cried too, but I can't help it. All this memories hunts me deeper and deeper every single moment.

As I smoke outside your house, I feel... why does this thing have to be imperfect for you?...holding back my tears .. and it was raining.... wind blew towards my direction... and what am I thinking is just you. Only you who I need the most everysingle second of my action

Will I ? Will I Not?

Was it just yesterday, or always? Do you still love me, or just want me? Or it is just to satisfy your needs?
Why does these unanswered question keeps popping out from my mind? I should be focusing on my exam but then, YOU ,
each time I see you , I feel weak, lost, and just want you only.
Yet I do know that it is just temporary that I can feel you till you found someone else... soon..

Time To Move On?

You said it, you don't love me anymore, so there is no reason for me to soften my heart for you anymore. Let the memories be the past, even though it is hard to let it go.

GaGa Dream == ?

I still need you,
I still miss you,
Your smell,
Your looks,
Your voice,
Like what I dreamed today, funny Lady GaGa was singing Bad Romance in front of me,
You know that I want you, You know that I need you....
Rah Ra Ah Ah~

Haiz just a dream can freak me out, yet it just reminded me how much I do love you.
I'm now chatting with you while you didn't notice that I'm crying along. Each time I see you, face you, every single word came out from my mouth or typed to you feels like a stab in my heart. Wondering why? Why do all this thing have to comes to an end while we can be stable to be together.

How long more do I need to suffer? Yet, each time I glance back the memories of us, I felt happy and secured yet suffer when I face reality.